How to Never Step on Gum Ever Again
A tragedy occurred the other day. I stepped on some gum. (I also tripped over a watermelon that was randomly sitting in the hallway and almost obliterated it, but that’s beside the point.) So, faithfully applying the knowledge gained from a quick Google search, I removed the despicable, sticky blue substance with some warm water and laundry detergent. While scrubbing, however, I discovered a more effective “How-to” that I felt I should add to the plethora of search results. The succinct and efficient procedure is as follows:
Step One: Move to Singapore.
I have mentioned this in the about page, but since I find this fun fact well worth repeating, I will share it again here. Singapore is the cleanest country in the world. Mostly because gum is illegal. Any form of gum found on your person will be confiscated and subsequently destroyed. And, depending on the amount of gum found, said perpetrator may be either fined or deserving of a public flogging with a cane. Or both. Talk about a rough start to your morning.
Step Two: Never step on gum ever again.
Huzzah! (That is, unless you’re my sister, Judy-tudy, who can manage any feat no matter how impossible. Perhaps one day she will start her own blog to share her many and thrilling…misadventures.) If you’re not my sister, then my method is infallible. You. Are. Welcome.
In half a fortnight, I will be on a plane headed to that sacred island-country where shoes – of all colors, shapes and sizes – are safe and free from sticky tyranny. O brave new world!